Saturday, February 9, 2013


It's the second Saturday of the month y'all!
You know what that means: book review time!!

For the month of February I am reviewing a collection of short stories by horror author Christin Haws. It's titled Rejected: Nine Stories I Couldn't Get Published, and it's available for the Kindle and also for the Nook.

Before I even get to the stories--and I will, because I truly enjoyed them--I want to talk about the title of the collection, and the premise behind the whole endeavor. Because I think Christin Haws has produced something pretty goddamn clever here.

To be honest, when I first stumbled upon the collection, I found the title to be a little off-putting. As a self-published author, I just couldn't imagine drawing purposeful attention to the fact that one's stories had been rejected in the traditional publishing world. It seemed, I don't know, like asking for bad luck. Like walking into a room full of ladders and skipping merrily underneath each one in turn. Or like inviting all the black cats in the neighborhood over for tea. But I was intrigued, so I bought the collection for my Kindle, and there it languished for the next several months.

Then, thankfully, I dove in. The author addresses the collection's title and its origins right away, in the introduction. She explains that she has submitted each of these nine stories to various publications several times to no avail, but that she sincerely believes in them, so she decided to publish them herself. Further, she invites readers to weigh in on the stories' merit on her blog:

Give me your honest opinion. Leave a comment on the Rejected page on my blog ( I want to know what you think. Good, bad, and ugly. Bring it on.

It was that last sentence that really got me on board. Fuck yeah! I love ballsy people, especially ballsy women! BRING IT THE FUCK ON!

Here are the infamous nine rejected stories:

Customer Service
Bigger Than a Squirrel
Husband and Wife
Erin Go Bragh
Game Night
Such a Pretty Face

Let me emphasize that these are short stories. Some, Bigger Than a Squirrel comes to mind, are hardly more than a few pages long. Perhaps the stories' brevity played a role in their fate? I simply can't know. But I can tell you that these are GOOD short stories. They stand up on their own.

Of course I have favorites. The stand-outs for me are Spillway, Game Night, and Such a Pretty Face. But there is something for every kind of horror fan here. Revenge thrillers, ghost stories, monster stories, crime's all here, in this collection.

Did I mention that you can buy this collection for less than a dollar on both amazon and barnes and noble? What are you waiting for???

About the author

 Christin Haws can purportedly be found in a cornfield in Illinois. She tweets under the handle @Kikiwrites. She likes belly dancing. She can touch her tongue to her nose (ooh la la, boys!). She learned to read and write at the tender age of three. And she's owned 5 rats, all named after Monkees references: either songs or guest characters on the show. (I'm dying to know: was there a Sleepy Jean?)

Monday, February 4, 2013

Once Upon a Time in the Life of This Grrrl

Hey friends and neighbors!

Did I ever tell you about the time that I was waiting for my friend on a street corner in Hollywood and a pimp tried to recruit me to be one of his hoes?

Or about my childhood adventures in plagiarism?

Or about the girl who told me she hoped I'd get herpes?

No? Well you can read all that and more in my memoirs Hieroglyphs and The Cookie Dumpster!

These action-packed tales will make you laugh and cry and will leave you craving a sweet treat.

A Memoir from the Gutter

Words are puzzles. Words are lies. Words are power. Words are hope. 

As with all of my books, these memoirs are affordably priced and are available on amazon!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Adventures in Bartending 2: I Get Layered

A Couple o' X-Rated Shots!

I like shots. I like taking shots in celebration. I like taking shots while watching horribly bad movies to get shit-faced. I like ugly shots. I like spicy shots. But most of all I like pretty shots. And the prettiest shots, in my opinion, are layered shots.

So of course, for my Adventures in Bartending, I've decided to learn how to make pretty layered shots. And the first two I'm gonna try are the Slippery Nipple and the Hot Pink Pussy!

First up: the Hot Pink Pussy! It turned out GREAT. Yummy and so very very pretty! All pink and stuff. See?

Hot Pink Pussy from the side

The recipe is simple: equal parts Hot Damn and Tequila Rose. The recipe I found online called for Firewater schnapps instead of Hot Damn, but who cares, right?
And this shot KILLED. This definitely goes in the Adventures in Bartending Winner's Circle!

Next up is the Slippery Nipple! I tried to make these last night without much success. The two liquids just didn't want to layer. They wanted to mix. So the shots just looked muddy and unappetizing. But last night I followed the recipe, which called for floating the Irish Cream on top of the Black Sambuca. Because of the success of the Hot Pink Pussy, though, tonight I decided to layer the Black Sambuca on top.

The result?

Slippery Nipples!

Notice how the Irish Cream is on the top? That's the wonder of science! I poured the Irish Cream into the shot glasses first, then slowly trickled the Black Sambuca on top over the back of a spoon as my bartender's guides instruct. But then lo and behold! The Sambuca fell through the Irish Cream to the bottom of the glasses, and the Irish Cream rose to the top, and they formed clean layers and YAY! I'm so pleased with how pretty these shots turned out.

AS with the Hot Pink Pussy, the recipe for the Slippery Nipple is very simple: equal parts Irish Cream and Black Sambuca.

All in all I have to declare this Bartending Adventure a success!!!