31 Days of Halloween! A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

October is a special month for my boyfriend and I. Every year that we've lived together (3 so far) we have spent the month of October watching a slew of horror films. Because that's what you do when you're dating a man whose screen name is "HMMADNESS." (That stands for Horror Movie Madness in case you didn't figure it out.  

Right before our first October as a cohabitating couple, Brandon presented me with a truly ambitious list of some 60-odd flicks.

"We won't necessarily get through all off these," he said to me. "But I'd like to try to get to as many as we can."

See, I haven't seen a whole lot of horror movies in my life, and Brandon felt pretty strongly about educating me in this arena. My eyes wide, more than a little daunted, I said:

"Sure. Of course."

That first October, I watched the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the original Halloween. I saw many if not most of the Friday the 13th series. And I made it through House of 1000 Corpses and Devil's Rejects, somehow. We watched some old, black-and-white horror and some cheesy independent horror. No, we didn't get through the whole list. But we did make a mighty dent in it. And Brandon succeeded in laying the foundation for my horror movie education.

At the end of our first October together, I was a sincere Jason fan, and I had a better idea of the kind of horror that gives me nightmares. 

Now, a couple years later, we're approaching October a little differently. Brandon is having me take a more active role in choosing which movies to watch. This year, we thought it would be fun to focus only on what is available through Netflix. That will make it more random, and open up more independent film possibilities.

First up, I chose A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge.

I have already seen some of the NOES flicks. I had taken my daughter Meredith to see the remake of the first movie in the theater when it came out. And, since Freddy is Brandon's favorite movie monster, he had already shown me the original NOES as well as the third film in the series and Freddy vs Jason. But he had avoided watching the second of the series with me, because he himself is NOT a fan of it. Like many people, he considers this film to be too much of a departure from the original story to really fit in well with the rest of the series.

So we approached this viewing as something of a lark. I looked forward to what I had heard would be a lot of unintended homosexual innuendo, and we prepared to drink whenever one of the characters made fun of Jessie and whenever someone died or we got a glimpse of Freddy's claw.

And you know what? We did laugh at what turned out to be a TON of unintentionally silly dialogue ("Are you mounting her nightly?" For real? What high school guy talks like that??). And there were moments when I was honestly confused about what the movie was trying to convey (I'm looking at you, spontaneously combusting parakeets), but all in all I really liked Freddy's Revenge.

I liked Freddy's Revenge for a very specific reason: it managed to be a fun slasher flick even while it broke every convention of slasher flicks. That's not a small feat.

Freddy's Revenge came out in 1985. At the time, Friday the 13th and Halloween dominated the horror market. They were--and still are--beloved slasher flicks that not only follow slasher flick conventions, they helped to create them.

You can say these with me because we all know them:
(1) The final girl is always the good girl (defined generally as the one who doesn't get laid on screen)
(2) Teenage debauchery is mandatory, and
(3) Teenage debauchery leads to murder and mayhem
(4) Parents? Whoever heard of parents?

I'm sure there are more. And I'm sure there are more nuanced versions of the ones I presented, But I'm not HMMADNESS.

What Freddy's Revenge does is say "FUCK YOU!" to these conventions. And it doesn't suffer cinematically for doing so.

For starters, the "Final Girl" in Freddy's Revenge is a guy, Jessie, who is possessed by Freddy Krueger and made to kill his friends and coach (and very nearly his sister). That, alone, is a bold gesture and is largely responsible for the movie's reputation for homosexual innuendo.

Jessie has a girlfriend, of course: Lisa, who is both smarter and stronger-willed than he. And since she manages to stop Freddy-working-through-Jessie from killing her it can be argue that she is ALSO the final girl. But even that would be a break from convention. What other slasher flick had two final girls?

Also, there is next to no teenage debauchery in Freddy's Revenge. Lisa throws a party in the movie, and that sets the scene for most, but not all, of the slashing. But the joke is, her parents are home, and are actually PRESENT at the party for most of it. No one gets laid, although Jessie and Lisa do some heavy petting. That, though, is interrupted when Jessie feels Freddy start to come out. The viewer knows Freddy is starting to come out because Jessie's tongue turns black and grows about six inches.

Elongated, disgusting tongues seem to be a recurring theme in NOES movies. What the hell is up with that??

Anyway, the movie ends with Freddy banished, Jessie alive but with a notable case of PTSD, and Lisa seemingly none the worse for her close encounter of the nightmare kind.

I give Freddy's Revenge a 7 out of 10.

I really did like it. It's not the work of cinematic genius that the first and third movies are, but it's a lot of fun. And I cannot overstate how brave I think it was for the writers and director to make the decision to NOT follow the genre's conventions. At the time, Jason was it. He was everything. And it would have been a lot easier for them to make Freddy a Jason copycat. Why not? Wes Craven was not a part of the team anymore, and they certainly weren't scared to make creative decisions that did NOT follow his vision (attempting to bring Freddy out of the dream world and into reality).

But they didn't. They followed their own rules and made a slasher film that was its own unique product, and, I felt, a lot of fun.

Now go read Brandon's take here.


Or watch this 30-minute fan-made film featuring Freddy taking on the Ghostbusters. (Please forgive the Jared cameo. This was made before we all knew the awful truth about him.)

Athena, the Wrestling Goddess takes the NeXT Step

(Scroll to the bottom of the post to read about Athena's NXT debut!)

(I wrote this in September of 2015 as an homage to Athena when she announced she was making the move up from the indy wrestling scene to NXT.)



Sound of knuckles rapping on a door.

"Good evening, sir." I flash the bewildered stranger a winning smile. "Can you spare a moment? I'd like to tell you about The Goddess?"

He scowls, then:

Sound of door slamming in my face.

"I'm not a pagan!" I shout. "I'm talking about the Wrestling Goddess."

The door opens. Half of a man's face is visible through the opening. 

I smile. "Let me tell you about how the Wrestling Goddess has changed my life."

Athena, aka The Wrestling Goddess, wrestled at the very first wrestling show I ever attended: The Show Goes on in February of 2012, a presentation of Anarchy Championship Wrestling in Live Oak, Texas. That was also the very first wrestling show I ever saw, as I had previously never watched professional wrestling in any form or through any media. It hadn't been long since I (finally) finished my master's degree. I fancied myself an academic. I fancied myself a lot of things, actually, but a pro-wrestling fan was not one of them.

In a very real sense Athena, The Wrestling Goddess, changed all of that.

I was introduced to a lot of talented wrestlers at that first show, and I witnessed a lot of very good matches, but it was Athena who made a lasting impression on me. Here was a beautiful, powerful, and eminently talented young woman who commanded respect both from the fans and the other athletes. I was hugely impressed, and, three years later, I continue to be.

I have recently learned that Athena is moving on. She won't be The Wrestling Goddess anymore. What she will be called I don't yet know. (Update: Athena is now known as Ember Moon!) What I do know is that she will still be making an impact in the wrestling world, she will still have the respect and admiration of wrestling fans, and she will always be The Wrestling Goddess in my heart.

That's all I really wanted to say. Pretty soon the whole world will be talking about Athena. Except, of course, they will be calling her by whatever name she's been given. I guess I just wanted to have my say about the Athena I've known before her transformation is complete.

Now I'm going to turn this retrospective over to my boyfriend Brandon, the man who turned me on to professional wrestling in general and The Wrestling Goddess in particular. He has a lot more to say about Athena than me, mostly because he has had the good fortune to watch her in action for several more years than I have. He's also very historically minded. He is going to tell you a whole bunch about Athena's rise to the top of the indy wrestling scene here in Texas, with a special focus on her work in Anarchy Championship Wrestling. ACW is the company that reignited Brandon's childhood love of professional wrestling, and it also played a huge role in shaping the wrestler that The Wrestling Goddess has become.

Without any further ado, please visit Brandon's blog Pinned Down Plus and read all about Athena's colorful and extraordinary career as an indy wrestler in Texas. I'm sure you will enjoy it! While you're there read some of his interviews with other wrestlers on the scene. (Go! Click! Read!)

Update: It has been reported that Athena has made her official NXT debut! She wrestled October 10 2015 at an untelevised live event in Winter Haven, Florida apparently under her actual name, Adrienne Reese. Read more here. 

Update to the update! Ember Moon is set to make her televised, official NXT debut at #NXTTakeoverBrooklyn on August 20, 2016!!

You can follow the wrestler formerly known as Athena on twitter @WWEEmberMoon

BOOK REVIEW: Go Set a Watchman AND To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

All right, my literary-minded friends, it's time. Not only am I about to throw down my thoughts on one of the most beloved American novels of all time, I'm also going to weigh in on what was probably the most anticipated literary release since the seventh installment of the Harry Potter series.

I'm about to review BOTH To Kill a Mockingbird AND Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee.

I'm going to start with the book that I and most others read first, To Kill a Mockingbird. But before I dive in I'd like to say a few words about what my review will and will NOT do:

(1) My review will discuss the singular and comparative literary merits of both of Lee's novels,
(2) My review will discuss the positions of both novels within the cultural and socio-political landscape of the U.S. in general and the South in particular,
(3) My review will not speculate about the sudden emergence of Harper Lee's first novel, Go Set a Watchman, and what that might mean. In my opinion, far too much has already been written about how and why this book has suddenly come to light. (This is the most recent article I've read on the subject. It's also the one I find the most interesting.) Many of the 1000+ reviews on the novel's Amazon page touch on the controversy.

I'm not here to talk about the controversy. I don't have anything meaningful to add to that argument, and, more importantly, I feel it is irrelevant. To Kill a Mockingbird is more than just a literary masterpiece: it is an important American cultural artifact. And Go Set a Watchman, in addition to its own merits, adds to Mockingbird's legacy.

Here we go!
I didn't read Mockingbird--ever, in my life--until earlier this month. According to my running list of Books I Read in 2015 I finished the novel on July 7, and if my memory serves it took me about three days to read it. 

Before you ask, yes I read it in advance of the July 14 release of Go Set a Watchman.

I feel I was probably one of the last--if not THE last--Americans over the age of 30 who had not read Mockingbird. Unlike many I wasn't required to read the book in high school, and though I have always been an avid reader it just never occurred to me to read Harper Lee's book.

 I grew up in Silicon Valley in California in the 80s and 90s completely unaware that racism continued (and continues) to be a reality. As a child I was surrounded by people of every hue and ethnicity, and every linguistic and religious background imaginable. To me, people were people and that was that. If there were divisions to be drawn (and I felt that was mostly unnecessary) than I would have put those dividing lines between the Haves and the Have Nots. I grew up poor and the older I got the more keenly I felt the differences between me and the children of means. Other than that, though, why categorize people at all?

For those (and other) reasons, I simply wasn't interested in a book I knew to be about Southern racism set in the 50s. Southern racism wasn't my or California's problem, especially since I believed it to be, like slavery, a thing of the past.
 

Gregory Peck depicts Atticus Finch in the film adaptation of To Kill a Mockingbird

Boy was I wrong! I moved to Pennsylvania in 1994 at the age of 18. I settled in State College, which is the home of Penn State's Nittany Lions and was also the site, the week before I arrived, of a cross burning at the home of a local black family. 

A cross burning. In 1994. At first, I was too shocked to be horrified or angry. I said to my friends: "That still happens? That's so old school!"

And then came the anonymous death threats to the president of Penn State's Black Student's Union, which said something to the effect of: "This is a white school in a white state in a white nation and by God it will stay that way."

My naive world view was shattered. Many years later I moved to Tennessee, and it was there I realized that although the institutions of slavery and Jim Crow are over, when it comes to race relations in America, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

I lived in Middle Tennessee for about twelve year, first in Nashville and later in Murfreesboro, which is about an hour's drive from Pulaski, the birthplace of the Ku Klux Klan. The football team of Middle Tennessee State University, where I received a BS in sociology and an MS in mass communication, is called the Blue Raiders and many buildings on campus are named after Nathan Bedford Forrest, celebrated confederate general and founding KKK member. 

In fact, there is an infamous statue of Forrest off I-65 outside Nashville that is surrounded by U.S., Tennessee, and confederate flags. 

I could go on and on. The fact of the matter is, though much of the nation views slavery, the Civil War, Reconstruction, and Jim Crow as issues of our distant past, they remain right at the forefront of Southern memory. (By way of example, read this news article from Memphis about contentions surrounding his gravesite and a different commemorative statue.) And for the first time in my life, I was learning that there are very real divisions between people in our country. And there are still a whole lot of otherwise normal, well-mannered people who don't view all people the same.

So I'm glad that I waited until now to read To Kill a Mockingbird. Because a lot of it would have been lost on me if I read it before living in the South.

As a piece of literature, Mockingbird is genius. Told from the point of view of a young girl (Scout is poised to start school at the beginning of the novel), the tone manages to capture the innocence of childhood and yet remain mature enough to be accessible to readers. Jean Louise "Scout" Finch, the narrator of the book, thinks like a kid and speaks like a kid (as the excerpt below will show) but somehow Lee manages to impart the grander points of the book anyway.

Enjoying a summer twilight with their neighbor Miss Maudie, Scout asked her about the reclusive Boo Radley:

"'Miss Maudie,' I said one evening, 'do you think Boo Radley's still alive?'
"'His name's Arthur and he's alive,' she said. She was rocking slowly in her big oak chair. 'Do you smell my mimosa?' It's like angels' breath in the evening.'
"'Yessum. How do you know?'
"'Know what, child?'
"'That B--Mr. Arthur's still alive?'
"'What a morbid question. But I suppose it's a morbid subject. I know he's alive, Jean Louise, because I haven't seen him carried out yet.'
"'Maybe he died and they stuffed him up the chimney.
"'Where did you get such a notion?'
"'That's what Jem said he thought they did.'
"'S-ss-ss. He gets more like Jack Finch every day.'"

Can't you picture that scene? Can't you feel the sultry summer heat and smell Miss Maudie's mimosas? It's simply elegant prose.

Scout, Atticus, and Jem Finch from the film adaptation

But I chose to recount this scene for another reason: Scout Finch, as I have said, is the narrator of Mockingbird, and her central preoccupation throughout the story is Boo Radley. It's not racism. But ask anyone who has read the book what it's about, and they'll say "Racism." They might say Tom Robinson or the trial or Atticus Finch. The name Boo Radley may even be mentioned, but no one would claim that the story is about HIM. That is the genius of this book: the grand points, the themes that your English teachers yammer on and on about, are woven throughout an innocent and seemingly unrelated narrative. So what you end up with is a complete novel that manages to be BOTH a slice of Americana AND a politically charged tale. Nothing is lost, nothing is sacrificed, and nothing is rammed down the reader's throat.

And that, friends and book lovers, is why To Kill a Mockingbird will forever be known as a far greater work than Go Set a Watchman.

Assuming this "new" novel's provenance is true (though not everyone does. the July 27 2015 issue of the New Yorker makes an interesting argument for why it may not be) Watchman is the first draft of the first novel young Harper Lee ever wrote. It's the rough material out of which Mockingbird was forged. Given that, her writing is DAMN GOOD. Anyone who has ever written anything knows how bad first drafts typically are. First drafts are GARBAGE. In one of my own first drafts I killed the same character TWICE. I've read some pretty mean things said about the literary quality of Watchman, but it's not typical-first-draft bad. It's not kill-the-same-character-twice bad. It's simply not as good as Mockingbird. 

But you know what? Nothing but Mockingbird is as good as Mockingbird. So calm down, angry literary critics.

Even so, much of Harper Lee's famously artful prose is evident in Watchman, particularly in the first half. The novel opens with Scout (now the adult Jean Louise) on the train back to Maycomb County from her new home in New York:

"She had told the conductor not to forget to let her off, and because the conductor was an elderly man, she anticipated his joke: he would rush at Maycomb Junction like a bat out off hell and stop the train a quarter of a mile past the little station, then when he bade her goodbye he would say he was sorry, he almost forgot. Trains changed; conductors never did. Being funny at flag stops with young ladies was a mark of the profession, and Atticus, who predict the actions of every conductor from New Orleans to Cincinnati, would be waiting accordingly not six steps away from her point of debarkation."

Except, this time, Atticus was not there to meet her. Instead Hank, her childhood friend and sometime suitor, was waiting a quarter mile back, on the platform at the train station, and had to run to meet her. 

And there's your foreshadowing.

While Mockingbird was a Great American Novel that had a lot to say about Southern Racism, Watchman is a "novel" that seeks to make a point about racism. I put the word "novel" in quotes not to deride Watchman, because I enjoyed it and find it a worthy read, but because it simply cannot stand on its own.

In a very real sense, in order to understand and care about the events and characters in Go Set a Watchman, you must have first read To Kill a Mockingbird. I will link again here to the New Yorker article because they explain this better than I ever could. Suffice it to say, with the exception of Hank, who didn't appear in Mockingbird, the main players in Watchman aren't actually introduced to the reader. Rather, the text reads and feels like a return to Maycomb, which serves to place the reader firmly in Scout's shoes.

That is the strength of Watchman. The reader experiences the same shock and betrayal that Scout does. As her Uncle Jack says, Scout had deified her father, and so had we. She needed to see him as a man, and so did we. Atticus Finch IS a man: good, but flawed.

In the decades since Mockingbird was published, Atticus Finch has grown to eclipse superstar literary status. As a character, he has always been more than a man, but as a cultural artifact, he has become more than a character. He is a symbol for equality, for justice, and for a sort of quiet, respectable fairness held in the face of defiant opposition. Recall the way in which Atticus quietly held his ground when confronted by the mob that sought to kill Tom Robinson before his trial. He didn't shout at the mob, and he didn't threaten them, though they threatened HIM. All he did was hold his ground and the mob eventually thought better of its plan.

Cultural memory would have readers believe that it was the force of Atticus Finch's egalitarian personality that stopped the mob from killing Tom Robinson that night. But a re-read of Mockingbird will remind Atticus's apologists that the following morning he had this to say of an individual in the mob:

"'Mr. Cunningham's basically a good man,' he said, 'he just has his blind spots along with the rest of us.'
"Jem spoke. 'Don't call that a blind spot. He'da killed you last night when he first went there.'
"'He might have hurt me a little,' Atticus conceded, 'but son, you'll understand folks a little better when you're older. A mob's always made up of people, no matter what.'"

That scene curiously foreshadows an event in Watchman, when Scout discovers that he father and Hank have joined the Maycomb County Citizens' Council, a group composed of nearly every white man in Maycomb, and which existed entirely to oppose desegregation. Scout reeled when she discovered this, as did the rest of America upon the release of Watchman. (Read this People magazine article about the family who changed their infant son's name from Atticus to Luke after reading the book.)

Go Set a Watchman,  in my opinion, makes an even bigger and more nuanced point than To Kill a Mockingbird did. Where Mockingbird told Americans that racism exists and it's bad, Watchman asserts that racism not only exists--it's woven into the fabric of all of our lives. In Mockingbird, racism was something that existed outside of people who didn't agree with it. It could be fought against in court. In Watchman, racism is an integral part of the structure of our society. As Uncle Jack explains to an exasperated Scout, it has historical precedent in feudal England. It is foundational and cannot be changed without upsetting everything. 

When Scout argues that the time had come to do what's right by Negroes, Atticus counters that she doesn't know or mean what she says:

"'I mean every word of it.'
"'Then let's put this on a practical basis right now. Do you want Negroes by the carload in our schools and churches and theaters? Do you want them in our world?'
"'They're people aren't they? We were quite willing to import them when they made money for us.'"

I think that exchange is as good example as any to demonstrate that Watchman is a novel that exists to make a point. Harper Lee had something to say about Southern Racism, and she sort of wrapped a story around the thing. That's why Mockingbird is a better story.

But I'm glad that I read Watchman and I'm glad that it came out when it did. Within the literary universe of To Kill a Mockingbird and Go Set a Watchman, Jean Louise Finch had to grow up and realize that racism tainted every part of her life, her family, and her beloved Maycomb County. And within American culture, we all have had to grow up and realize that racism taints ALL of our history and ALL of our present. Whether or not individuals, like me, grew up naively assuming it was a thing of the past and Not Our Problems.

Atticus says something in Mockingbird that is curiously prescient. I read it in the breakroom of my workplace and cried out loud when I did. Decades after the book's publication, it could not be more relevant:

"Atticus was speaking so quietly his last word crashed on our ears. I looked up, and his face was vehement. 'There's nothing more sickening to me than a low-grade white man who'll take advantage of a Negro's ignorance. Don't fool yourselves--it's all adding up and one of these days we're going to pay the bill for it.'"

The Dog Days of Summer

"Calpurnia listened. 'I know it's February, Miss Eula May, but I know a mad dog when I see one. Please ma'am hurry!'"

-- To Kill a Mockingbird

A lot has been said, surmised, and written about the scene in Harper Lee's classic novel in which old Tim Johnson, beloved neighborhood dog, is found to have gone "mad" (rabid) and is shot dead by Atticus Finch in front of his shocked children. Atticus, once hailed as the best shot in the entire county, is not a gun owner and has never handled a firearm in front of his family. Atticus Finch is a gentleman.

Ahem. Well. That is a discussion for another time and place. Here we will focus on the interesting and unexplained insistence in the novel that dogs do not, as a rule, "go mad" in the winter time.

Having grown up in cities with generally well-funded animal control departments, I have been fortunate enough to have never seen a rabid dog. I do know that rabies is passed from one infected dog, bat, or human to another through contact with bodily fluids, usually via bites. So when I read this scene in Mockingbird my first thought was: "What the hell does the season have to do with the presence of a rabid dog?"

My second thought was: "Oh my God! Is the notion that dogs only go mad in the heat of the summer the meaning behind the phrase dog days of summer? If so, is To Kill a Mockingbird the origin of that phrase?"

Short answers: sort of, and no. According to Wikipedia, the phrase originated way before Harper Lee was even born and had more to do with astronomy than anything else. But the sentiment behind the saying remains the same, generations later. From an 1813 poem:

Dog Days were popularly believed to be an evil time "the Sea boiled, the Wine turned sour, Dogs grew mad...

Mad dogs just need to be loved.

SEW THERE! Lesson One: Threading

Before I embarked on this journey of sewing and self-discovery, I had never touched a sewing machine. Like, ever. 

I could recognize a spool of thread, most of the time. At least, I could differentiate one from, say, a lava lamp.

NOT a lava lamp.

So before I could begin any really cool projects I had to figure out how to actually use my machine.

I have a Singer One machine. I've named her Dolores. She's pretty and responds well to gentle touches. 

Meet Dolores

Dolores came with an instructional CD that probably would have been helpful, had it not been for the horrible sound quality of the recording. When I watched it, all I could hear was the background music. The person demonstrating the machine sounded like she was at least ten miles away and whispering into a wind.

So I searched YouTube and found a WEALTH of helpful instructional videos. One hour and two videos later, I had wound my first bobbin!!

Bobbins!

Check out the helpful videos:

I watched the top video first, several times, while going through the motions on Dolores. It's a good video, and the woman demonstrating the process is clear and patient, but there was something I just wasn't getting because I could never make the bobbin wind properly. Every time I tried, the thread wound around the metal shaft beneath the bobbin instead of on the bobbin itself.

Then I watched the second video, and it all became clear. The woman in the second video did everything the woman in the first video did, with one imperative addition: she made sure to state several times that you must thread the thread through the hole in the bobbin from the inside out NOT the outside in. That's what I had been doing wrong!!

Maybe this is obvious to everyone else in the world, but it wasn't obvious to me. I watched the second video a couple of times before I successfully wound my first bobbin, and then I looked over the "Quick Start" guide that had come packed in with Dolores. The guide offered step-by-step, illustrated instructions on how to wind the bobbin and thread the needle. Now, armed with the knowledge that you must thread the thread through the hole in the bobbin from the inside out, it was clear that that was indeed what the guide's illustration indicated. When I looked at the same drawing before I knew that, however, I couldn't tell.

This is why, in the preface to this blog series I've named Sew There!, I mentioned that I'm not very good at following directions. I'm just not.

I quit that night with one bobbin wound. I didn't want to push my luck. Threading the needle would have to wait until my second sit-down with Dolores.

NOT a spool of thread

Stay tuned for Lesson Two and EVEN MORE sewing adventures! SEW THERE! will continue!!

My Top Ten Reads of 2014

Welcome to my Second Annual Top Ten Reading List!

This just might be the least important Top Ten Reading List you'll come across this holiday season. Unlike others, my list isn't comprised only of books that came out in 2014, nor is it a Top Ten List of books by HOT NEW AUTHORS. Theses aren't books of Earth-shattering importance, and they're not books written by self-published authors who are on the rise.

These are just books that I stumbled across this year, read, and fell in love with.

That's all that I want out of my books. I won't tell you how to read or who to read, but I want to highlight these books because I think that you may enjoy them. Okay?

First things first: I read 29 total books this year. More than some of you may have read, and definitely less than a lot of you read. I read self-published books and traditionally published books, fiction and non-fiction. When it comes to my Top Ten List I only have one rule: any given author may only have one book on the list. To do otherwise just seems to me unfair. That limited how I could shape my list, however, as I discovered and fell WAY in love with three authors this year: Donald Westlake (I read three of his books), John Green (I read three of his books as well), and Nelson DeMille (I read a whopping SEVEN of his books this year).

So you can probably understand my rule now, huh?

Here's your alert:

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

And away we go!!

Number Ten: The Ghost of Blackwood Hall by Carolyn Keene

If you've spent any time at all on this blog, then you already know of my affinity for the Nancy Drew Mystery stories. I've reviewed a few of them before. The character of Nancy Drew was an early feminist icon for young girls and her stories are chock full of adventure and spine-tingling moments. I love them. Has it been a decade (or more) since you spent an afternoon with Nancy? Pick one of her books up again. I guarantee you won't regret it.

Number Nine: Beyond Hades by Luke Romyn

Beyond Hades is an action-packed thrill ride based on one crazy notion: Greek mythology is real and someone has opened the gates to Hades, unleashing monsters of unspeakable ferocity. Pardon my pun, but what in the HADES would we do in that situation?

Call in the military, an academic, and a time-traveling Aussie to save the planet. 

Seriously. This book is just that crazy and just that fun. It also ends on kind of a cliffhanger, but don't worry: there's a part two.

Beyond Hades is available for the Kindle. Buy here!

Number Eight: 12 Years a Slave by Solomon Northup

In the late 1800s an African American man named Solomon Northup wrote a harrowing memoir that raised a few Victorian eyebrows before it slowly faded from the limelight until it was made into a movie of the same name earlier this year. I heard of the movie and decided I would rather read the book.

If you are an American I urge you to read this memoir. It will change the way you think of our history. Yes, we all know our nation was built on the backs of slaves. Yes, we all know that a war was fought that ultimately resulted in the freeing of those slaves and the simultaneous creation of a category of second-class citizenship, the echoes of which are still felt today. We all know this. 

But the real, lived experience of an American slave is something most of us have the good fortune to know nothing about. And shame on us for that. If we as a nation are ever to be able to move on from the continuing impact of our bloody heritage, we all must be made to face the truth of it.

Solomon Northup was a Northerner who was born free. His father, a lifelong slave to a man with--at the time--progressive views on the subject, was freed in his master's will. Solomon was taught to read and write, to farm, some basic carpentry, and also learned to play several musical instruments. When he became a man he married his sweetheart and started a family. And then he was kidnapped and sold into slavery. And because of all of the laws that governed slaves and their movements, he couldn't just go to the police and explain that he was a free man. So he spent twelve long years toiling under the yoke before he finally managed to prove his status and return to his family.

This is a gut-wrenching tale. I challenge you to make it all the way through without shedding a tear.

12 Years a Slave is available for the Kindle. Buy here!

Number Seven: Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh

Hyperbole and a Half is a book that grew out of a blog of the same name. Check it out! But even though I have a blog of my own I tend of walk around woefully unaware of what's happening on the interwebs, so I bought the book without knowing anything of its predecessor. AND I FUCKING LOVED IT. If you know the blog, you know what to expect from the book: lots of super colorful illustrations and soulful venting. Buy it. Read it. And laugh until you cry or piss your pants or both.

Hyperbole and a Half is available for the Kindle. Buy here!

Number Six: The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

I loved, loved, loved this book.

But I have an embarrassing confession to make: I watched the movie first. I know. That's completely backwards. You're always supposed to read the book first. That way, while you're watching the movie, you can fit together the pieces that don't make sense, and you'll know what was left out. You can read my review of the movie HERE.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower has everything I love about YA books. There's a protagonist who agonizes about not being "normal," fierce friendships that start in uncomfortable ways, and the roller coaster ride of adolescent self-discovery. There's so much Why am I this way? Why are we this way? How can we make the world better/happier/more peaceful/ more exciting?? But it's never too much. None of it is shoved down the reader's throat. In fact, the manner in which Mr. Chbosky wrote the novel allows for the reader to be made to feel uncomfortable in a natural, almost inevitable way. Sort of like reliving adolescence. It is a MASTERPIECE of storytelling.

Also, the story is set in State College, Pennsylvania. I once lived there. If you ever lived there, you will enjoy all the State College references. 

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is available for the Kindle. Buy here! 

Number Five: The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler, aka Lemony Snicket

For the record, I didn't know Daniel Handler was Lemony Snicket when I read this book. Nothing against Lemony Snicket or his Series of Unfortunate Events, but I picked up The Basic Eight because it--and it alone--enticed me.  

There's not much I can say about this book without giving away crucial plot points. I don't mind a spoiler or two in a review but these are Fight Club level twists and I want you to have the same level of enjoyment as I did when I read it. So I'll leave you with the Amazon blurb:

Flannery Culp wants you to know the whole story of her spectacularly awful senior year. Tyrants, perverts, tragic crushes, gossip, cruel jokes, and the hallucinatory effects of absinthe -- Flannery and the seven other friends in the Basic Eight have suffered through it all. But now, on tabloid television, they're calling Flannery a murderer, which is a total lie. It's true that high school can be so stressful sometimes. And it's true that sometimes a girl just has to kill someone. But Flannery wants you to know that she's not a murderer at all -- she's a murderess.

The Basic Eight is available for the Kindle. Buy here! 

Number Four, Truth in Advertising by John Kenney

I picked up Truth in Advertising at Half Price books. It was a pure impulse buy. I knew nothing of John Kenney and the cover art didn't tell me much about the story, but I had a feeling I would like it, and I was right. Buying Truth in Advertising was a damned good rash decision. Smart, funny, fresh, and almost unnervingly wise. I had so many "A-ha!" moments while reading. I highly suggest this read!

Truth in Advertising is available for the Kindle. Buy here! You could be reading in minutes!

Number Three: Plum Island by Nelson DeMille

I said in the introduction that I read seven books by Mr. Nelson DeMille this year. When it came time to compile this Top Ten list I knew that one of his books had to be included, but I wasn't entirely sure which one it would be.

I did know one thing, though: whatever book I chose was going to be a John Corey book. 

John Corey is a recurring character in Mr. DeMille's books. He's also my favorite literary alpha male. I dedicated a whole blog post just to him. Check it out! 

Plum Island is the very first in the series of books that feature Mr. Corey. And it's awesome. Unlike other books on this list, Plum Island isn't deep. There's no brooding, no angst, and no characters who agonize about who they are really. You know in their souls. Don't get me wrong. I love angsty characters. But every so often, a strong, gruff, no-nonsense alpha male is what a story (and I) need. You know, deep down. *wink* *wink*. 

Ha ha. Just kidding But seriously. This book is awesome.

Action. Adventure. Sarcasm. Laughs. This is what you're in for when you read Plum Island. So read it.

Plum Island is available for the Kindle. Buy here!

Number Two: The Cutie by Donald Westlake

The Cutie was the first book I ever bought solely because of its cover. Also, with the 50 cent price tag it had at Recycled Reads Austin, I knew there was no harm in trying it. The way I figured it, I'd peruse a few pages to get a feel for the story, and if it was no good, what had I lost? Fifty cents and a couple minutes of my time. 

No harm, no foul.

I've heard the name Donald Westlake before. And whenever I've heard it, it was spoken with reverence. Donald Westlake is one of the Big-big names in pulp fiction. However, The Cutie was my first foray into the pulpy arts. I've long been intrigued by the idea of pulp fiction, but never really prepared to take the plunge. I mean, yes, I read genre fiction, but pulp? Come on, I have a Master's degree.

Nevertheless, that cover intrigued me. And guess what? IT WAS A FUCKING LIE!! That woman appears NOWHERE in the novel. And she isn't the cutie referred to in the title! Who is the aforementioned cutie? Well, you think you know from the first chapter but the real identity of the cutie is one of the many twisty twists of this book! 

The Cutie was so much fun to read. Donald Westlake has a really hysterical way with words. Here's how chapter two starts, by way of example:

Outside was the city, and it had halitosis. The air was hot and damp, and breathing was a conscious matter.

That is just pure literary gold, pulp fiction style. Love it!

The Cutie is available for the Kindle. Buy here! 

And now, without further ado, we have...

Number One: Looking for Alaska by John Green

WARNING! Throughout the year, I have become something of a fangirl for John Green, and it all started with this book, Looking for Alaska, and the titular character, Alaska Young. Here's what Shmoop said about Alaska, and here's what I said about Alaska, and about the other heroines of John Green novels. 

Because, for me, the real treasures in John Green novels are the heroines he depicts. I discovered this when I read Looking for Alaska the first time, and rediscovered it when I read it again a few months later. (Yes I read this book twice this year. That is why it HAD to be number one.) I found myself falling in love with Alaska right alongside Miles, the main character. I could totally envision myself falling just as hard for a similar girl had I met one when I was Miles' age. 

Looking for Alaska is amazing. It's accessible for both teens and adults without being either overly simple or obtuse or preachy. It's wise and loving, and yes, angsty. But life is angsty, and sometimes we want our art to mirror the struggle of life. 

Looking for Alaska is available for the Kindle. For the love of god, drop everything and buy it!

Where Stories go to Die...

I'm going to tell you something that your other writer friends won't:

(Sometimes you have to let a story die.)

GASP!!!

This is NOT the same as giving up. And it's NOT the same as expecting perfection with the first draft. I'm not telling you to stop writing. 

The truth is, though, sometimes we as writers get in the way of our own stories. Sometimes all we can see is our own expectations of what we think the story SHOULD BE rather than what it NEEDS TO BE. And sometimes the story we WANT to write isn't the story we NEED to write.

FUCK what you want to write. Throw that shit away. Delete it. Burn it. Get quiet, banish your demons (or learn to dance with them), and MAKE ROOM FOR THE STORY YOU NEED TO WRITE.

And tell me about it! Does this sound familiar to you? Have you ever wrestled with the stories in your head? Leave me a comment here and tell me about it! Or follow me on twitter and talk to me there. That's where I live anyway.